Friday, 12 September 2014

Dreams we Live. Part 2: Time Options.

From the sleep dream, to the wake dream.

In the early morning hours, when I try to fall asleep, the dreams I just had can easily absorb my thoughts.

The main theme I dreamt of now was;

 “How can I go back to the past in my young body and still make sure I meet my kids in the future.”

Where would I jump back to?

Should I go back to when I was 4 and had the accident? That certainly is something that disturbed my life for many years. It did have some good effects, in that it drove me to prove I was  more worthy than others without my injury.

Or should I go back to when Lana was 13 and prevent her accident. Then save her again at 15 and return at 18 before she meets her first romance. I would be 25 and prepared for her and would know how to win her heart.

But will we be able to produce the 3 kids we now have?

At 36 I will prevent my next accident and will make sure I don’t get sick, since I now know movement will work to prevent my ailment.

Perhaps I would make new kids and we will be happy and financially secure with the money I would make from investments.

No, I would miss my kids too much; I don’t miss the kids I never had. What would wealth, health fitness, happiness of new kids be without my girls. The memories of them will never be able to be filled or removed.

My Mongkey, Pops and Queeny. That is my adventure, they are most important and they are here, I have them now. 

So what are the options even if now the insurance company will refuse to pay my claim and we lose all our possessions? 

Then again, only a minute amount of kids have parents who make enough money to ensure that their kids never need to work for a living.

What percentage of those are living lives they feel satisfied with?

Many super rich children grow up unhappy with the world and have no goals to live for.

What kind of a life is that to have?

Do I wish that on my children?

It’s probably easier to find a cause in life if you have to find your own basics to survive. Hence, it is probably better for kids not to have endless wealth to live in, but to build a house and grow their own food.

Also it’s probably tougher to find a good partner if you have much wealth or are to famous

What would all that I have now matter?

I fear losing our house, clothes, TVs, possessions etc.

In 15 years all my children will be adults and what will these possessions we have now matter?

Would they miss the car they had 15 years ago when they can then buy their own cars?
I can guarantee, that I most likely will not make enough money to secure their lives financially, such that, they would never need to work even if I get to keep all the possessions I now have.

So there should be no concern about loosing the possessions we now have, since its only a means now to get to a future, a future we will anyway have.

So if go back to 2005 when Mongkey, my baby, was born ensuring I have the kids I now have, prevent my accident and set myself on a path to being healthy, I would most like be a working dad and see my children less than I see them now. This precious gift I have received would be gone.

To be an unhappy stay at home dad, angry at the insurance companies for stealing my money will only harm my children. They mean the most to me and I can be with them so much now in my sick state.

So let adventure start now. The possessions lost won’t matter even if it is an injustice.

Injustice drives revenge, revenge mostly does not remove the feeling of being wronged.

What can remove this feeling?

Perhaps knowing that I made the best choices I could and still having a life that I am satisfied with.

And what is a satisfactory life for me?

A life with my Governor and loving wife Lana, our three warrior souls and daily battling and surviving the challenges of life.

The adventure is what I have now, just as it is.

My girls asked “when do we get the answer from the insurance”. “I don’t know, but whatever it is, we will have a good adventure and strive together, and prepare you, to make your own adventure with your lives”.

The Only attachment, for me, that is  worth holding onto, are my children, and only until they can hold onto themselves.

Part 1

Dreams we Live. Part 1: The Dream.

I awoke at two am from a recurring nightmare.

The dream always follows the same pattern. I am back in my home town, I can’t find my family and I am trapped in a town with people I prefer not to be around.

I know my family is in another country but, all access to them is always blocked or I can’t find a way out of my home town.

Sometimes I can’t find my wife’s phone number or can’t remember it or I have the number, but can’t find a phone that works and when I find a working phone I can’t seem to dial the numbers correctly.

Sometimes I get into frustrating talks or activities with locals. We simply can’t agree with the simplest things, like a cat is actually not a dog and nobody wants to understand that.

When I decide to go back to my family I can’t find the airport or I can’t find money or the taxi gets delayed or the taxi driver just vanishes.

Not to mention at times the toilet scenes. I get trapped in toilets that are blocked, over flowing with shit or my clothes touch it and then there’s no water to wash it.

Sometimes I am looking for places and find no people to help with directions, or the car drives but, I am not moving and when I eventually find a person who I think can help, then that person can’t understand.

There are always many variations of how I am trapped in my home town and blocked from my family.

However, this dream was different initially.

I went back to when I was seventeen. Just when I started university.

The world was open and I still had all the knowledge of my older self, packaged in my healthy potent youthful body.

I could start over, correct the bad choices I made and make a fortune with my knowledge on investments and ideas from the future.

I could then live my life as a thinker exploring my ideas, doing the sports I liked, while teaching the martial arts I am adept at.

University would be my playground to explore myself.

A pain free body is an amazing gift, what an exhilaration to have again. How I missed the ability to direct my body and have it respond with perfect precision.

The studies I could do into my mind and the herds of people who were at my disposal to test my theories.

So many beautiful processes were at my disposal, that I Iove so much to dissect, scatter, taste and rebuild, without any need of finding solutions or having an end product.

To me it’s always about the process in finding solutions or the debate is about the idea of the discussion, the topic or solution is never relevant.

And yet, a thought entered my dream, “what if I become famous and trapped in this second chance, would I still have my three daughters later in life that I am so dearly attached to?”

Then the search to find ways to get my second chance to still lead me to being with my dear family started and the recurring nightmare was back, which eventually woke me.

It was a warmer night than the last few days and because I slept too early, I could not immediately fall asleep.

The dream was so vivid that I continued the thoughts of options on how and when I could change my choices, live my great free adventurous life and still end up with my family.

Continued in Part 2  .....

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